I had this classmate in high school. She was the hot artsy chick, the type that doesn’t only have a Pinterest page full of cool ideas, but actually tries them out. She had cute nail art, a Leica camera, and a perfect auburn hair dye, and she always looked like she had stepped out of a streetstyle blog. Can you tell I envied her? My obsession with Physics kept my envy at bay at the time, but… it was there. She was everything I wanted to be.
Now lately, I came across a post of her on Facebook. She posted that she had successfully completed a series of evening classes, and that she now finally thought herself ready to start studying again. Curious, I scrolled through the comments. Someone had asked the question on my mind, namely why she had dropped out of Art School… and she had plainly answered that she had had a serious eating disorder for 4 years, which had wrecked her body and pushed her into a heavy depression. She had dropped out because of a total breakdown.
I was like… Say what?!
First of all, 4 years, that means she was struggling with an eating disorder while I was envying the crap out of her perfectness.
Also, I am struck by the fact that once again, someone I knew struggled with mental illness. Without me knowing. Without it being obvious. Without there being rumors about it. I wonder if this is a sign of time, first world problems and all that, or if it’s not a new thing and has always been like that, that many people are wrecked inside without showing it.
But shock and philosophical thoughts aside, do you know what the worst thing is?
I still envy her.