Gratitude, Oaths, And The Uses Of Doom

I want to thank everyone who commented on my previous post about how I struggled with daydreaming and staying coherent enough to study. I didn’t answer any of your messages at the time, but your advice and support wasn’t lost on me. It’s thanks to you that I managed to pass at least my final exam. So thank you. It is an over-used phrase, but it’s true: I could not have done it without you.

It’s been an awful couple of weeks, but the academic year has started again, and I am determined to make the best of it. My parents placed me for a frightening ultimatum after I received the results of my retake exams: if I have to retake even a single exam this year, they will quit paying my tuition. With the hot breath of that doom in my neck, I have no choice but to work my very hardest…
To motivate myself , I decided to take a Silmarillion-style Oath* on it. I figured that might help, given that “for so sworn, good or evil, an oath may not be broken, and it shall pursue oathkeeper and oathbreaker to the world’s end.” And I can really use a bit of pursuing when it comes to being disciplined in my studies. It may seem silly, but I feel it will help. 

This I swear: all classes I shall attend ’till year’s ending, effort ’till exams’ end! My word hear thou, Eru Allfather! To the everlasting Darkness doom me if my deed faileth. On the holy mountain hear in witness and my vow remember, Manwë and Varda!’

It’s been six days since I swore my Oath, and things have been going well so far. I have attended all classes, been to a museum and a concert just this week, and I even -gasp- found myself a job. Yes, you read that right, I have a paying occupation for the very first time in my life! It’s just language tutoring and I won’t make much, but given that my allowance is 50 euros per month, every little bit helps…

I have been making a lot of progress on my Alice Hysteria cosplay (which is good, because the con is in two weeks), I am keeping track of my study efforts with weekly lists of Doom (AKA lists of tasks such as studying, reading books on subjects that don’t immediately excite me, spending time with my family, and going to bed before 1 AM), and I am writing again after a period of complete writer’s block. So, lots of good stuff is happening! I hope things will continue to look up…

6daysAlso, let me introduce you to the DoomCount: as an extra motivation I am publicly going to keep count of all the days I manage to keep my Oath. I hope the steadily growing number will be some form of encouragement…


About quantumphysica

My name is QuantumPhysica The Insane, but you can call me QP. I am insane, admitted to a mental hospital in Belgium, and waiting for a decent diagnosis at the moment. Once I was a physics student with goals in life and what more; now I'm simply the patient of Room 93. Ever wondered what life is like in the psychiatric ward? I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know... I am... particularly twitchy of personality. But I also am genuinely interested in everything. There is nothing that doesn't interest me, really. Everything, from quantum computers to fashion and cars to traveling... I also give advice. On anything. No taboos whatsoever. And I make lists of things...
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3 Responses to Gratitude, Oaths, And The Uses Of Doom

  1. AstroPilot says:

    Hi QP, congratulations for passing the final exam and for the idea of putting yourself under oath! Deep inside you are a strong personality and a fighter, I commend you for not giving up and getting to grips with all your internal and external difficulties! Keep on going strong, you are a brilliant person, and you are gonna make it! Let me know when I can be of any help.

    • Thanks a lot for the support! *blushes at compliments*
      The Oath really does work… I have been to all classes so far, and because I am now obliged to actually pay attention, I have -much to my surprise- started to really enjoy them…

      • AstroPilot says:

        It is true for a lot of topics that you have to cross a threshold of some minimum knowledge before it gets interesting. It is a problem for today’s children that a lot of activities without a such a threshold are offered nowadays (like computer games), so they don’t see the necessity to invest something for having fun later on.

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