Tag Archives: self harm

Ups And Downs

There are days that it’s okay. Days that I’m okay, that I can concentrate, that I feel alive and present in both mind and body. Days that I don’t curse the universe for letting me open my eyes. It’s those … Continue reading

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Blood, An Almost-Victim, An Aching Need… My Night So Far

I hate my period. Period. Everything’s just worse then. Apparently bleeding from my intimate orifices makes me lust for blood even more than usual, so much more that I might do stupid things. I almost put an ad on a … Continue reading

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QP’s Psychosis Diary… A pictural report of my last pre-madhouse days

These pictures were all made by me when I was rapidly descending into psychosis, now months ago already. Because it’s so long go I finally feel like I can post these; back then it was just too raw and confronting. … Continue reading

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Bugs, Bacteria, and Secret Self Harm…

So… back in the days of acute psychosis I used to cut myself with anything sharp enough to penetrate my skin. And when they took all my sharp objects I scratched. And when they cut my nails I bit myself. … Continue reading

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The amusement value of murder; or why I will lie to my psychiatrist

I have mentioned my “urges” as I call them every now and then, without really explaining what they are to me. That is what I will do now. In a few words: my urges tend towards murder and extreme sadism. … Continue reading

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Survival…

  Why?

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Happiness…

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Musings over a knife

Yesterday at the IKEA I was completely taken aback by the variety of cook’s knives available… I felt aroused. I couldn’t top thinking about what it must be like to let them touch a human body. Teasingly at first, tracing … Continue reading

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A Sweet Torture…

So. I just have to tell you this… I’m still all unsteady on my feet, slightly hazy even… I had an awesome experience with Number Seven today. For those who don’t know my “relational dynamics”, a short explanation… My problem/illness … Continue reading

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I broke… On running and cowardice.

After months, and I really mean months, of not even the tiniest little cut, I broke down and cut my upper left arm all the way from shoulder bone to halfway my elbow. It’s a long story, but to put … Continue reading

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