Sick And Tired

I thi011625f4aa2e2fe576a9055fb1a71aeank this time I am actually, physically sick. But it might also be aggravated stress due to being badly prepared for my retake exams (which start this saturday). In any case, I’m a mess. My eyes are all bloodshot, my head pounds, my body aches, my mind is all clouded (and not in a good way), I’m tired as hell but I can’t sleep, and I keep having drops in blood pressure. I can’t study. I’m so tired. I just want to curl up and sleep. But I can’t. So I’m stuck feeling like crap and stressing over my retake exams. 

I have five retake exams. That’s less than last time when I had seven (so that’s a plus, right?) but one of them I cannot pass (there were attendance points and I didn’t attend a single class; I’d need a perfect score to get 50 percent for this course) and the other four are difficult as hell, not to mention that not attending class definitely didn’t score me any grace points… 

Why do I always postpone my studying until the very last moments? Why didn’t I just get over myself and get up in the morning to go to class? Why do I always get sick at these crucial moments? Fuck my life. 

d61ad48c0e1d35d4f3ebd4e11731c7a0I’m miserable and I don’t know what to do. I wish someone would take care of me. Seriously. Right now, my most prominent fantasy is someone taking care of me, holding me and feeding me and cradling me to sleep… Is it normal for someone my age to wish for the life of a toddler? Probably not. But I’m just so fucking tired… 

The worst part of adulthood must be that no one feels inclined to take care of you anymore. You’re always on your own for everything. And I’m so tired of being alone. I’m too tired to take care of myself right now. 

About quantumphysica

My name is QuantumPhysica The Insane, but you can call me QP. I am insane, admitted to a mental hospital in Belgium, and waiting for a decent diagnosis at the moment. Once I was a physics student with goals in life and what more; now I'm simply the patient of Room 93. Ever wondered what life is like in the psychiatric ward? I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know... I am... particularly twitchy of personality. But I also am genuinely interested in everything. There is nothing that doesn't interest me, really. Everything, from quantum computers to fashion and cars to traveling... I also give advice. On anything. No taboos whatsoever. And I make lists of things...
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6 Responses to Sick And Tired

  1. Isleofmisfittoys says:

    Know the feeling! I always postpone shit too…i joke and say that ‘if you wait till the last minute, it only takes a minute!” But that never fixes shit for me hahah

    Everyone wants to be cared for sometimes…we all need someone to just tell us things will be okay. Its not weakness or wrong…just don’t be putting any diapers on! Haha

    As for the tests, you’re ridiculously smart. Just focus on one at a time and you’ll get there. Left foot in front of the right foot, right foot in front of the left foot; repeat. The more you focus on how much you have to do, the more discouraged you’ll get. Just left foot, right foot…you’ll be surprised how far you can go.

    Keep your head up, little QP…you’re not alone.;)


  2. tteclod says:

    My grades were so awful I withdrew for a year. I went back, finished, and two decades later, none of it matters. Push through – it’s just another phase of your life. After the exams are done, start scheming your next caper.

  3. AstroPilot says:

    Yes, part of being an adult is having to care for yourself. I never saw that as a disadvantage, because I was able to take my own decisions without being influenced by parents or anyone else, I always refused advice or interference from anyone, and it turned out I found the right way for myself. And you have more brains and will than me, so please have a little bit confidence in yourself and see being an adult as a great chance and not as a burden!
    About your exams: I have the impression that you are studying a subject which you are not sufficiently motivated for, if you don’t attend most of your courses. Maybe you need to check out if you are really on the right track? Although in the middle of exam preparations might be the wrong timing for such a principal decision.

    • Ah, things I am motivated for are far and few between.If I could major in Silmarillion Trivia or Kinky Sex I would have a degree in no time xD
      I’ll admit that I’m not really motivated for my studies, but as I can’t really think of anything (conventionally offered at Uni) that I would be more interested in/motivated for than this, I suppose this is as good as it gets. I’ll make do for as long as it takes to get a diploma.

      It’s funny really. I want to be independent more than anything (it’s my main motivation for not dropping out) and at the same time I feel horribly lonely when I think of my life as an independent adult. But seeing as I am lonely now too, I guess things can only get better. There’s a lot to be said for being able to make your own choices…

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