The Facebook Syndrome, Or Why I Haven’t Been Blogging Much Lately

I suffer from the Facebook Syndrome. As in, I’ve gotten infected with the “I want to present my life as a glorious, gorgeous and enviable commodity” disease that runs rampant on FB. Given that my life currently isn’t any of the previously mentioned, I find myself reluctant to write about it.

I’d like to write about great sex, cool shopping trips, interesting craft projects, and exhilarating future prospects… but even though there is that too (really, there is!), there is even more of the shitty stuff. The fact that I’ve skipped more classes than I attended this period, by example. Or that I have extreme trouble sleeping more than 4 hours per night. The unpleasant detail of me not having made a single informatics assignment, which means a certain retake exam. And what about me blacking out for hours at the time, or dissociating in the middle of conversations? Happens more and more often.

There is no space in my life for this shit. I want my life to be awesome, if only because writing about all what’s wrong makes it all the more real and panic-attack-inducing. And I keep telling myself that “I’ll write when stuff gets better”, when really everything is just going to hell more every day.

Today I considered whether I personally had something to live for, and the best answer my brain produced was, “You can’t kill yourself, you need to finish your fanfic first.” Well… it’s something, right? -_- What I’m saying is, I’m not thinking good thoughts at the moment. And I still see that now, but what when if it gets worse?

I’m running from my problems. Again. I am in desperate need of some advice, because the exams are coming and I’m truly terrified that I’m going to lose it and end up admitted again. I have no more room to fuck up, no more grace period. If I give up now, I give up forever. I don’t want that, but I don’t know what to do either…

Also, my apologies for the mini-rant post of a couple days ago. I was not in the best state of mind, as you perhaps could tell. I’m not usually that childish… (I hope.)

About quantumphysica

My name is QuantumPhysica The Insane, but you can call me QP. I am insane, admitted to a mental hospital in Belgium, and waiting for a decent diagnosis at the moment. Once I was a physics student with goals in life and what more; now I'm simply the patient of Room 93. Ever wondered what life is like in the psychiatric ward? I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know... I am... particularly twitchy of personality. But I also am genuinely interested in everything. There is nothing that doesn't interest me, really. Everything, from quantum computers to fashion and cars to traveling... I also give advice. On anything. No taboos whatsoever. And I make lists of things...
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7 Responses to The Facebook Syndrome, Or Why I Haven’t Been Blogging Much Lately

  1. tteclod says:

    If you’re looking for advice, here’s mine.

    Sometime around 2001, I stopped caring. It did wonders for my overall attitude. Will I pass this exam? I don’t care. Will this client sign the contract? I don’t care. Will the building design work, or fall down and kill everybody? I don’t care.

    It was really freeing to realize that the whole list of things that mattered to me was really short, and that the outcome – or the details of the outcome – of any particular event in my life wasn’t really all that relevant to my overall happiness. I suspect it’s the same for you.

    Whether you pass or fail any particular course of study probably won’t matter terribly much to you in 20 years, especially if you go and study it again and pass, or learn the subject independently for personal reasons. Whether or not you blacked-out during one particular conversation probably isn’t all that important either. What will be important and is important to you right now is your overall happiness and survival. It’s not really much more complicated than that. There are plenty of folks waiting tables, hauling trash, and other modest work that do quite well. So, if you completely fail college, so what? There’s more to life than formal education, and you’ve already mastered so much more than the average peasant from 200 years back that it’s hardly worth fretting over your lack of accomplishment. Move along and quit worrying – you’ve got work to do!

    • I wish I could be so careless about things, I really do. The problem is, some things you mention as unimportant really do matter for my happiness. I want to have a decent, intellectually interesting job that allows me to be independent. I want to earn money, and preferably more than the minimum wage. I want to be proud of myself, and when I’m a mental wreckage with no life achievements whatsoever I can’t be.
      My boyfriend tells me I have my priorities all wrong, and that may be right… but I can’t help it. Money and (professional) praise are the things that make me happy. I want to feel rewarded, it’s the main key to making me feel good (besides sex).
      But thank you for your advice. I indeed have work to do (piles, and piles, and piles of it) and I shouldn’t put it off any longer.

  2. AstroPilot says:

    Maybe you should think about an attitude change towards your studies: Don’t see it as an unpleasant obligation, try to see it as a chance to let your brilliant mind prove itself capable again. Your brain is so broadly talented, it could achieve anything, but you have to channel your thoughts to get concentrated on the important things. A good exercise for the mind is mental discipline, let it get control over itself, control of what to think about, don’t allow your thoughts to wander away. Keep a part of your mental capacity to so to speak step outside of yourself and observe yourself objectively. Your posts show that you are doing that already, but you are not yet ready to accept the consequences of those observations.
    Probably not a very practical advice, but just what came to my mind while reading your post. It did help me though when I was studying.

  3. YAPCaB says:

    Decide to not give up and stick to it. Make a schedule for studying and stick to it.

  4. plastronneke says:

    Try Chinese Medicine for example. It won’t take away your problems (well not all of them), but it can make you more at peace with yourself and sleep better – that way, your problems seem less “mountain-like”. It seems like your Shen and Hun are drifting and need to be anchored in your Blood.
    If you go for it, make sure you get a practicioner who is good at diagnosis, acupuncture ànd fytotherapy (not many of them in Belgium).

  5. YAPCaB says:

    Hope your studies are proceeding as you’d like. Good luck we’re all rooting for you.

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