Things To Wonder And Ponder About…

#1. Does the leg full of bloody scratches I woke up with after a night of high fever count as self harm? I have no memory of scratching myself, but I obviously did.

#2. A person from my school has found my blog. I don’t know who it is, but paranoid old me is thinking all the worst things. I probably don’t have to explain. The worst is that I’m unsure as to how I was found out… (I can’t stop thinking, what if it’s my primary school bully? What if it’s my professor? What if it’s someone who for some reason really dislikes me? Also, I can now no longer write outright shit about people who annoy me, as most of those are year-mates, and even without names they might recognize themselves or their friends. Not that I so often write shit about people, but still, knowing I can’t do it anymore is a terrible loss of freedom.)

#3. My head hurts, my heart is beating too fast, and I’m so dizzy that I can’t walk down the stairs by myself. Stupid drug side effects…

#4. I’ll be home alone next week.

#5. I’m missing so many classes. I haven’t even bought all my course books! I hate being sick. I hate it. I don’t want to fail this year!

#6. I want a cold compress on my head. And my computer screen is too bright.

#7. Why are all good fanfiction stories abandoned?

#8. Facebook is a dark device of Morgoth! Why do people want to stay in touch with people from their childhood? Or people from places they moved away from? Hell, good riddance, I’d say! When I leave somewhere, I am always glad I don’t take my enemies with me. I rue the day that I made a Facebook page… (also, Facebook games are the Worst. Thing. Ever.)

#9. My head hurts so much. So very much. Urgh. URGGH!

#10. I wonder if I will one day have to remove this blog. I really hope not.

#11. Do people who leave me ominous, anonymous messages know that I’m schizophrenic and paranoid and bound to feel terribly unsafe after reading them? It’s like a very subtle form of passive aggressive harassment. If you’re not going to say who you are, don’t bother letting me know you read it, okay?

EDIT #12. Okay, I do appreciate it when people let me know that I’m accidentally posting my private stuff on my public persona Facebook page, whether they do it anonymously or not. So thank you for that, anonymous commenter who apparently knows me!

About quantumphysica

My name is QuantumPhysica The Insane, but you can call me QP. I am insane, admitted to a mental hospital in Belgium, and waiting for a decent diagnosis at the moment. Once I was a physics student with goals in life and what more; now I'm simply the patient of Room 93. Ever wondered what life is like in the psychiatric ward? I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know... I am... particularly twitchy of personality. But I also am genuinely interested in everything. There is nothing that doesn't interest me, really. Everything, from quantum computers to fashion and cars to traveling... I also give advice. On anything. No taboos whatsoever. And I make lists of things...
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3 Responses to Things To Wonder And Ponder About…

  1. Nemo says:

    Since a few of these points seem to concern me, I might as well comment to ease your mind, if it is still required.

    The reason I am anonymous is the same reason I warned you: I advocate prudence and value privacy. I reasoned that the benefit of my warning would outweigh the risk of disturbance, just as I hope that my clarification now will do more good than bad. I certainly bear you no ill will. My taste in blogs is also very different, so don’t worry about me reading this blog later on. I won’t.

    I wish you the best of luck in your study, and with your blog.

    • Hearing once again from you certainly does more good than bad. My sense of disquiet wasn’t so much caused by your specific message (as you were very kind and considerate), as by the thought that if one person could find me here, others from my personal circle might as well. As I mentioned, I have a tendency to be paranoid.

      My thanks conferred to you in point #12 of this post were well-meant; I was not aware that this link to my dA page was still present, and I’m glad you notified me of it so I could remove it.

      Thank you for the well-wishes, and the same to you! May you always be able to remain anonymous when you wish so 😉

  2. I would say that if someone can’t personally own what they say then their opinion shouldn’t really matter. I say that with my “fuck it” attitude.Unless they are nice and say mean things nicely. I apply that to my personal life as well.

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