Enthusiasm Or Obsession?

I don’t know if there is a good term for it. When I describe it, I would use terms as “addictive” and “obsessive” personality, but those sound incorrect and don’t really cover the load. The issue is this: I am very enthusiastic. Not a bad thing? I’m not sure anymore.

When I find something interesting, I will focus on it. I will read books, look up all there is to know about it, join guilds and groups, alter my lifestyle, make decisions and form opinions with my object of attention in mind. It’s as if having something to be enthusiastic about fills me with fire and passion. I’m tireless, full of initiative, always up for more of what I’m enthusiastic about. That’s me.

When I don’t have something to be enthusiastic about, or I lose my focus point in some way, it’s as if everything turns from color to greyscale. I’m apathetic and depressed and just… low. It’s as if I don’t know how to position myself in the world other than by associating my person with something recognizable.

Is this bad? Does it have a name? My problems with Physics were of this nature as well, in a way. Of course, there was more to those than just enthusiasm… but I’m worried. I have recently been feeling the fire again, I’ve been getting enthusiastic again (about the Silmarillion, of all things. *sigh*)… And I worry. Should I deny myself the pleasure of a world in color, because of the danger of the drop?

About quantumphysica

My name is QuantumPhysica The Insane, but you can call me QP. I am insane, admitted to a mental hospital in Belgium, and waiting for a decent diagnosis at the moment. Once I was a physics student with goals in life and what more; now I'm simply the patient of Room 93. Ever wondered what life is like in the psychiatric ward? I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know... I am... particularly twitchy of personality. But I also am genuinely interested in everything. There is nothing that doesn't interest me, really. Everything, from quantum computers to fashion and cars to traveling... I also give advice. On anything. No taboos whatsoever. And I make lists of things...
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3 Responses to Enthusiasm Or Obsession?

  1. Butterfly Joy says:

    I don’t have answer, but I totally understand 🙂 I am like that too, and am puzzled by the same question lol

  2. The Mom says:

    As an Aspie, I can attest to understanding a focused interest (to the exclusion of all else). We are known for it. I expect a lot of the crazies we have are shared with the crazies you have such that you experience something similar. My brain doesn’t like it if I don’t have a focused interest. Not that I ever haven’t had one. And I’m pretty certain I have these focused interests as a way to soothe my brain. Keep it focused. Because when I’m focused, I’m less crazy. Less awkward. More real. So, don’t stress it too much, you’re in good company. Go do your thing if doing it keeps you energized. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!

    • Thanks a lot for the encouragement!
      It’s true that when I have a focussed interest, I have fewer trouble coordinating my behavior. It distracts my mind from my psychotic symptoms, and well, I’m just on overall more focussed on the real world, I de-realize less. It grounds me, in a way.

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