The Traces Of Parenting, An Observation

I can’t speak for anyone else but me of course… but I find that I always hoped to come out of my family unscathed. Not unscathed concerning memories and experiences, but unscathed in my opinion towards others. I have always wanted to be my own person, and not the fabricate of those who raised me; open towards anything and forming my own ideas. Not so much to ask for, is it?

Lately however, I have done an important observation. My partner Experiment No.7 has an older brother. Normally we don’t have a lot of contact, because the guy is a gamer and likes to stay in his room, but circumstances made it that I stayed over at No.7’s for a while, and well… when you’re living in the same house for a week, meeting each other from time to time is unavoidable.

So I got to observe his brother, and my reactions to him. There was a family party, and the guy insisted on behaving like a petulant child (and I mean, really childish, as in pouting with his knees to his chest and refusing to eat) because he didn’t want to be there. Then No.7’s parents took us to a fancy restaurant, and there it was more of the same. The guy is 25, and he considered it normal to read a novel at the table (it was a really fancy place, just so you know), answer a question from his parents with “bluhbluhbluh”, stick out his tongue at his mom (in a non-ironic way), and generally spew unfounded opinions on things, all the while pouting over not having taken starters. I was BAFFLED.

Now… When he did the baby-speech thing, I really held my breath. On one side I expected his mom/dad to get up, drag him out of the restaurant and give him a solid tongue-lashing outside, and on the other I wanted to do that myself because I was so shocked that someone would behave in such a bad manner. It wouldn’t even come into my head to behave like that, not ever! And that’s when I realized it. I’m not my own person. My opinion on this guy’s behavior comes straight from my own mother, and nevertheless it feels like it’s mine. It’s like ritual scarring on my mind; the way I have been raised has implanted itself in my opinion on people and things. I hate it and I can’t fight it…

Isn’t it strange? I have never taken over my parents’ ethical system, their morality, their religion, their opinion of people from different races, their ideas about murder and death… And yet I am stuck with their way of raising children. Nature’s cruel…

About quantumphysica

My name is QuantumPhysica The Insane, but you can call me QP. I am insane, admitted to a mental hospital in Belgium, and waiting for a decent diagnosis at the moment. Once I was a physics student with goals in life and what more; now I'm simply the patient of Room 93. Ever wondered what life is like in the psychiatric ward? I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know... I am... particularly twitchy of personality. But I also am genuinely interested in everything. There is nothing that doesn't interest me, really. Everything, from quantum computers to fashion and cars to traveling... I also give advice. On anything. No taboos whatsoever. And I make lists of things...
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12 Responses to The Traces Of Parenting, An Observation

  1. tteclod says:

    Based on your observations, that child hasn’t been raised, so much as roomed and boarded. I suspect your opinion is still your own, and its alignment with your parents’ is coincidence born of reasonable assumptions for social interaction.

    • Thank you. I just can’t help but be rather abhorred by bad behavior, especially in adults. I won’t claim to be a good person, but I’ve always thought it important to be a well-behaved one. It costs little effort to be agreeable and polite after all…

  2. I think MANY people share the same opinion as you and your mother of this “man”.

    • I was completely dumbstruck. It costs so little effort to behave properly, and be polite and generally agreeable… I just couldn’t follow the stream of thoughts that would have led the guy to behave like that. He definitely doesn’t count as a “man” in my eyes…

      • There is something going on with Generation Y as the 18-30 year olds are called. Many of us are entitled. Some say its because after WWII with all the booms that happened in many Western countries parents let their children have less responsibilities because they wanted them to have a “better” life than what they had. So now we have a lot of adult kids….

  3. blacksun321 says:

    The lessons learned in childhood form the foundation for how we perceive and respond to the world around us. But you can always make another choice. Take a look at the opinions instilled from your upbringing and decide whether it works for you or doesn’t. And if it doesn’t “Let go of old things that are no longer useful” -Death Tarot. You’ve already done such a great job of it in so many other areas of your life. It shouldn’t be too difficult to continue the process. But I still think the guy was being an annoying brat.

    • Most of the time I can clearly see what comes from my surroundings and what comes from myself, and those are usually different enough to distance myself from the “foreign material”. Now however, it seems that my own opinion completely overlaps with my parents’, and I have no way to tell if it’s truly my opinion overlapping with theirs, or their opinion suppressing the formation of one of my own.

      • blacksun321 says:

        I highly doubt that your opinion completely overlaps with your parents’. Just read back over some of your other recent posts and ask yourself if your parents would think that. Especially “Selfishly Submissive Sadist”.

      • Oh, I know my opinion differs greatly from my parents’… but on the topic of raising children and acceptable behavior in social situations our thoughts are frighteningly similar. (Another good reason not to reproduce, as I might raise my children the way my mother raised me…)

      • blacksun321 says:

        Nothing wrong with not reproducing. At the very least waiting until you’re sure you’ve got everything figured out in your own life and there’s room to be responsible for another one, which is a pretty tall order to begin with that most people never really accomplish satisfactorily. Especially a lot of parents.

      • There’s more than one reason, the foremost being that I am far too selfish to give a child the love and care I believe it deserves. I know myself too well to want to subject an innocent and helpless being that can’t escape me anyhow to my general behavior.
        Do you want to have children?

      • blacksun321 says:

        Props on knowing that about yourself and being able to own up to it. So many look for children and relationships to complete them, to fill some hole inside them, only to find out that they’re not up to the challenge because they didn’t make sure that they took care of themselves first. And to your question, my answer is, at the very least, not yet. Though I do tend to get along with them well most times.

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