I Am Not A Fake Person, Pt. 1

Yesterday I received one of the worst insults in quite some time, and it came from my psychiatrist, of all people. We were talking, and then she casually asked if I pretended to be different from how I actually am when in her office. I said something like “no, not really”, and explained her that I discuss my problems with her, not the mundane and unimportant details of my daily life. Which I’d think is logical, because after all you pay a shrink to help with actual problems, not daily-life-lamenting.

Guess what she concluded. I had told her about my panic attacks, the sudden bouts of irrational fear that sometimes overcome me, my increasing overall irrationality and my sadism/masochism… She said she sometimes thinks I enlarge things because I want to appear more interesting to her. Basically she insulted me by insinuating I’m not a genuine person when I’m with her. She said that she had trouble believing everything I tell her because it’s so unlikely for someone my age, in her book. Right.

I knew it was a mistake to go to a youth-specialized psychiatrist. She completely misunderstood me; she thinks that I’m subconsciously afraid of my own murderous and sadistic tendencies, and that is causing my panic attacks. HELLO?! I’ve been having the attacks for a week. I’ve been a sadist for years. Correlation is where exactly?

I need a new psychiatrist.

About quantumphysica

My name is QuantumPhysica The Insane, but you can call me QP. I am insane, admitted to a mental hospital in Belgium, and waiting for a decent diagnosis at the moment. Once I was a physics student with goals in life and what more; now I'm simply the patient of Room 93. Ever wondered what life is like in the psychiatric ward? I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know... I am... particularly twitchy of personality. But I also am genuinely interested in everything. There is nothing that doesn't interest me, really. Everything, from quantum computers to fashion and cars to traveling... I also give advice. On anything. No taboos whatsoever. And I make lists of things...
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4 Responses to I Am Not A Fake Person, Pt. 1

  1. Olivia says:

    What a bitch. You definitely need a better psychiatrist!

  2. I’m sorry she said all that too you. Get a new one.

  3. Henk says:

    Hm… Late reaction, but I really think you’ve been a bit too harsh towards your psy. An insult is an insult only when people MEAN to insult you, deliberately and intentionally, and I cannot image a psy who would do that.
    Sure, the many different psies who scratched their heads trying to understand me in the past, often failed to get me (or my point). Maybe yours doesn’t get you too, but you shouldn’t take that as an insult. And this “enlarging things” thing, does it necessarily mean she thinks you’re not genuine as a person? Aren’t psies smart enough, generally, to know every person has a particular way of presenting him-or-herself, that in fact there is no border line between genuine and not genuine? I think most of them know that.
    I had a quibble with my own psy some months ago, when in one of those reports about me she’d written something about my supposed “narcissism”. I really could not accept her qualification of me there. But I talked it over with her in a fairly reasonable way, and in the end she gave in (a little, at least) about that term being not quite right. In the meantime, this discussion may also been a little bit instructive for both of us (I hope).
    Give your psy another chance. Talk it over and out with her. Do not guess at what’s she might be insinuating, but ask her to explain more specifically and exactly what she means, and what makes her say that, etc.
    Switching psychiatrists is always such a terrible waste of time and energy, because with a new one you have to start all over again, often it can take a year before they even begin to understand you… Maybe you should give this one another chance?

    • Thank you for your insightful comment.
      It’s true, I may have been overreacting a bit… in my defense, I had been having debilitating panic attacks that came out of nowhere for a week already and instead of proposing a workable solution she said the things she said. In retrospect they weren’t that bad, but they were to me at that moment.
      You’re certainly correct in that switching psys is always such a bother (and I often have to do it because my two previous ones refused to treat me any longer) so I’m just going to give this one another try…
      Either way, thanks for showing concern, it’s very appreciated. I hope you’re doing okay yourself 😉

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