So. I have a new symptom, which I didn’t have before: panic attacks. I don’t know if it are actually panic attacks, but they sure make me panic. Sometimes it just happens, like a giant hand clutching and crushing me, I lose sense of direction, I want to scream and there is this turmoil of emotions going all so fast that I can’t determine what I’m actually feeling. For no reason. And all I want to do is roll on a ball and cry, even if that’s in the middle of the sidewalk. The worst of it lasts about 30 minutes, and it can happen any time, any place, without clear trigger.
I’ll be honest, you may have noticed it but my symptoms are worsening again. I’m more irrational than ever and about 70% of my time I’m disoriented, confused, terrified or raging mad. Or all at the same time. I don’t know what is going on with me… I wish I could get myself together but I can’t. I don’t know what is going on with me.