I’m Not Going To Make It.

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I’m not going to make it. I don’t work, I waste my time, I haven’t studied any of my subjects properly, I’m going down without a fight.

Coward’s death for a coward of the truest type. I want to die. I haven’t felt like this in a long time, but I fear that I’m not going to make it. I don’t know how to bring myself to work, and if I fail I can better be dead. This was my last chance at life. I blew it.

About quantumphysica

My name is QuantumPhysica The Insane, but you can call me QP. I am insane, admitted to a mental hospital in Belgium, and waiting for a decent diagnosis at the moment. Once I was a physics student with goals in life and what more; now I'm simply the patient of Room 93. Ever wondered what life is like in the psychiatric ward? I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know... I am... particularly twitchy of personality. But I also am genuinely interested in everything. There is nothing that doesn't interest me, really. Everything, from quantum computers to fashion and cars to traveling... I also give advice. On anything. No taboos whatsoever. And I make lists of things...
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20 Responses to I’m Not Going To Make It.

  1. ubu507 says:

    life’s a lot longer than you think…there are about a million second chances…you might just be telling yourself to take another path that you might actually WANT to go down…

  2. chris9911 says:

    OH COME ON NOW….so your plan #1 didn’t work, #2 didn’t work, #3 didn’t work.. Luckily, numbers go to infinity. Just take a little break, gather your thoughts, and carry out the next plan. Okay?…Please?

  3. tteclod says:

    Divide the studying into smaller bits. Read a chapter. Done. Write a study sheet. Done. Complete a small task for a project. If you get stuck or bored, don’t quit: switch tasks. You’re smart enough, just keep working and focus on the parts that interest you. When you take a break, make it social, or outside and among people. Join a study group. Et cetera.

  4. Look yourself in a room with nothing fun in it and study! Go over what you know so you at least know it really well!!!

  5. Robyn Hawk says:

    There is no such thing as a last chance – it may seem like the last chance and you wake up to another day.

    Maybe it is time to re-think your goals – stop trying to live up to other people’s standards.

    …and I agree – you will never tackle a huge goal – get out a piece of paper…start a list step by step what will it take to get through this …the list will keep you on track…

    You have all these people pulling for you – time to make the effort and get it done. But if you don’t…the world will not end.

  6. Fatal says:

    I don’t know what to say except to hope that you’re alright and to tell you to power through this, you can do it, you’re brilliant.

    xoxo

  7. Butterfly Joy says:

    Dear QP: Forget about the exams and just enjoy learning a little bit a day. Things will work out eventually!
    Believe me, I understand very well how you feel now. But I guarantee you it isn’t the end of the world. Your world continues and it will be wonderful!

  8. headsink says:

    Been there, I know no advice can help if the head filled up with bad thought. Anxiety is hard to counter alone even the best self-help guide don’t help so get people to help. I wish you luck.

  9. mickcgorman says:

    Nobody ever died from failing to study, better to give up on study than life.

  10. You are in my thoughts. You are such a bright light in the darkness whether you see it right now or not. You have so much to offer. Take it slow right now and cut yourself some slack. You don’t have to do everything at once. Make some small goals if you can and do them one at a time. You will get there. And when you are not doing that try to find some healthy distractions if you can. Again simple things, like using your five senses to bring you back to the present and out of your head, like non-depressing music, an upbeat movie, something that smells good, or holding something comforting, and really focusing on them. Maybe being in nature. You could also try to use “opposite action,” like if you want to isolate because of the unsafe thoughts, go find someone or a group to be around, even when you don’t want to. I know that all may sound overly simple or stupid, but it sometimes has ended up helping me, especially doing the opposite of my thoughts. I’ll stop now, but know you are not alone and people are pulling for you. We believe in you. You are a strong, confident, talented woman. Don’t waste that because of a bad day or week. These moods and thoughts are like waves and will recede. This too shall pass.

    • Thank you so much for your support and inspirational comment. It really means a lot to read this.
      It’s hard to counter the “bad thoughts”, it comes in waves going from “no problem at all” to “crying in a corner” in no time, and back. And forth, and back again. It’s extremely tiring.
      I feel like I’m stuck on a swing and mean whispering people are pushing me faster and faster.

  11. angelspanked says:

    The fact that you are carrying on with your blog and that we are still here reading means that you haven’t blown anything. Give the melodrama a rest, QP. If you don’t, I will treat you to my own special brand of melodrama and then you will be too busy making it your life’s mission to hunt me down and kill me for annoying the ever living shit out of you that you’ll forget all about wanting to die. PS (No one should forget where they came from, and it’s okay and sometimes necessary to go back and visit, but you are entitled to leave at any time…)

    • You know me, I’m a neurotic drama queen when put under pressure…
      For some reason I don’t think I want to have a taste of your brand of melodrama… xD
      Thanks for the support though, I appreciate it. Sometimes my past position feels a bit like a black hole that keeps trying to pull me back…

  12. ubhdenton says:

    Please don’t give up. You can do it!

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