Life has been incredibly confusing to me lately. I have recently reached the point where I ask myself how delusional I am, exactly. The issue? My Family Unit, as this group of people I happen to share both a house and some genes with is called in my head. They are being… nice.
Define “nice”: They don’t jump on me for everything anymore. I don’t get preaches over every single thing. I haven’t been called the bane of anyones existence for almost over a month now. They smile at me. They make jokes with me and I have been able to have some really good conversations with the Demon Authority, so good actually that for the moment it feels hardly justifiable to call her that. Things don’t fall silent when I enter the room. The Stoic (my dad) has stopped leaving the room when I get in there – he still hasn’t said a word to me though. And many more things, actually.
Now, where’s the delusion? I fear it’s in the same place as the glitch in the aforementioned display of niceness. Do you believe it is genuine? Well, I don’t buy it. People who described you as the sole force ruining their lives don’t go acting all nice and happy to you, unless they want something from you. And from the amount of overall niceness and acceptation… that has to be something enormous. I don’t know what it is though.
There are multiple options:
A) The Family Unit has finally understood what I have tried to explain them time after time, namely that I function on debt and payment, and that if they want something from me they have to give me something. Yet, they have forgotten to clearly specify what they want me to do.
B) The Family Unit is trying to coax me into feeling not only indebted but also guilty, thus hoping to make me grow a conscious in time. Which would come down to brainwashing, AKA I hate it.
C) I have lost my mind once again, and this display of niceness is a delusion. Or worse, I have regained my mind and the past year was a delusion. Neither option is preferred by me. I like my (in)sanity as it is.
My psychiatrist told me I would really have to keep in mind option C, she didn’t’ say so in that much words but she still said that I had to realize it could very well be a simple change of my perception. What do you people think? I’m at a loss, feeling really unsafe in this new situation. I don’t know what I did to make it happen, so I can’t influence the chain of cause and effect here…
Chaotically yours, QP
We're All Mad Inhere 
I’d like to think this good and not you losing your mind :p
I hope it is… I’m just scared I will get it all back into my face in the end…
Family unit?!? I think its clear your MOTHER and your FATHER love you very much, else they would have thown you out of the house by now, right? I really feel for your dad because its gotta be extremely difficult on him to be in the same house with you and your “test subject”. Here is a fact, no caring father wants to know/hear about his beautiful young loving daughter being engaged in ratedR+ related activities only separated by flooring thickness. I fear your parents will need a phycho theropy sooner or later 😦
I’m not sure about your 3 choices, because it looks like you are waaaay over thinking it. You probably already know what they want, don’t make them tell you those things because it takes the value away from it.
Thank you for being a voice of reason.
I nickname my parents to create a certain distance between me and them. I have an instinctual dislike of close bonds that I can’t cut in a simple movement, so I try to keep a both physical and mental distance, not easy when you’re sharing a house.
I never really considered the possibility that my father’s silence and ignoring comes forth from being worried and possibly embarrassed about my sex life… Thank you for pointing this angle out to me.
The reason that I’m so suspicious of their niceness is that it feels a bit like an elastic cord. Pulling it only goes so far before it snaps back into your face, and the longer it goes, the harder it will snap back. I just don’t feel like getting it all back in my face, you see?
Since you’re a man, and clearly much clearer of mind than me at the moment, how do you suggest I restart conversation with my father? It’s often really awkward how he addresses my mother with issues about me when I’m in the same room, all to avoid having to talk to me… I would like to see that change.
Well, I don’t think he is embarrassed about your sex life, he knows you are a fully grown beautiful woman. It’s got everything to do with a father/daughter bond. He took care of your when you were a baby, fought away neighbor’s pitbull when it was scaring you, he was prepared with a baseball bat when your 1st boyfriend came over to take you out on a date…I mean you are probably his little princess still. No normal father wants to hear his little baby princess doing the deed upstairs, thats just sick! please don’t torture him like that. Seriously, I don’t know how your dad is handling all this, he is a real trooper.
Don’t try to distance yourself from your parents. I understand your logic and all, but like you said it’s pretty hard to do when you are sharing a home. Wouldn’t path of least resistance be to let them be your parents and you be their daughter?
They are probably being nice to you because maybe it’s the Holidays? Lol. But more than likely they are probably holding on to that sliver of hope that maybe you will come back as their daughter. From their perspective, do they have anything better than just hope? They are probably are at lost and have no idea how to talk to you, bond with you, and be your parents. Only card left to play is…hope of being nice? Its Christmas QP, you may not give a shit, but maybe you can be nice back to them? Maybe until 2013? 🙂
Niceness as an elastic cord being pulled? You mean it’s getting built up as potential energy getting ready to be converted to kinetic energy, possibly being transferred over to a single point target rather than a surface area? But isn’t that what relationship is about, it’s about give and take, right? I guess more give if you really love someone. Your parents have given you a lot, haven’t they…
Yes, I am a man but I’m not sure if I have the clearer mind.lol. I’m kind of trying to fix up my own little f’up myself 😦 Not knowing your history with your dad and your dad’s interests; it’s really hard to come up with anything. But I do know that Holidays are usually spent together with the family and talking about the wonderful memories from the past, maybe you can start with that? Don’t make me call you the Grinch.lol