My External Memory… The Math Walls

I shouldn’t be looking at these photos, I know I shouldn’t. But this weekend has been full of extremely triggering events, from the titles and story-lines of my usually so diverting fanfics to the paper I had to write this weekend. And so I couldn’t help but go through them again.

These photos are pics I took of the walls of my room, the day before my parents painted it all over, now almost a year ago. It’s a fraction of what was on them, hundreds of proofs, formulas, diagrams and calculations. My personal artwork. My walls. My external memory. I knew each of the things on that wall by heart, and when I let my hand run over them I could feel them. I could feel the despair of the logarithms, the naive excitement of the nuclear deterioration sequences, the statuesque nature of the Uncertainty Principle and the nervousness of the derivatives. Hundreds of eyes, hundreds of lips, hundreds of words whispered in my ear. I remembered each and every one of them, their exact spot on the wall, whether they were in pen or in pencil, thick or barely noticeable. They encouraged and reprimanded me, in their own silent voice.

Now… Now my walls are painted. So many times already my mother told me how she says my room is cold. How it has no soul. My room is dead. Dead like a piece of me.

About quantumphysica

My name is QuantumPhysica The Insane, but you can call me QP. I am insane, admitted to a mental hospital in Belgium, and waiting for a decent diagnosis at the moment. Once I was a physics student with goals in life and what more; now I'm simply the patient of Room 93. Ever wondered what life is like in the psychiatric ward? I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know... I am... particularly twitchy of personality. But I also am genuinely interested in everything. There is nothing that doesn't interest me, really. Everything, from quantum computers to fashion and cars to traveling... I also give advice. On anything. No taboos whatsoever. And I make lists of things...
This entry was posted in Insanity and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to My External Memory… The Math Walls

  1. tteclod says:

    What’s wrtiten in front of the exclamation marks in the bottom photograph?

  2. Butterfly Joy says:

    it’s truly beautiful

  3. Butterfly Joy says:

    …not that i can understand any of the equasions but the way you connect to them

  4. Jaen Wirefly says:

    You should write a book. It would be fantastic.

  5. veva525 says:

    I’m completely awful at the math and sciences, but understand that a very deep beauty and sense of harmony lies within those equations. These pictures are gorgeous, and the story is heartbreaking. Thank you so much for sharing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s