This morning I got pulled out of bed after only 1,5 hours of barely-there sleep for some mental torture by the hand of Saint Irratia Normality (also known as the Authority of Normality, AKA my mother). It would take me too long to write down everything I got thrown to my head, from my egoism to how ashamed I should be for being so weak, how spineless a creature I am, how disgusted she is by me, how much she believes my only pleasure is to make her miserable, how her whole life went downhill from the wretched moment she pushed me out,… blah, blah blah.
Tell you this, there is a reason I have a notoriously thick skin when it comes to insults… It’s like Sonny in “I, Robot”, who had thicker skin because his creator knew he would have to deal with burning forcefields.
In short, my morning wasn’t great. Of all things that could have happened, an enraged attempt at psychological warfare wasn’t high on my list of what to expect… (And people are surprised that I tend to keep my guard up!) Classes diverted my mind a little bit, thank madness, but the whole assault just restarted when I came home. The Authority had decided to ravage my room, and she had located my bondage ropes. Good thing I have a much better place to hide my implements… She brought me to confess (there is a point where lying only gets you in deeper; that point is called the starting point when dealing with my mother) what they were for, and… well, she had that look of absolute disgust on her face when I told her.
“Didn’t I raise you properly? Are you completely sick and out of your mind to even THINK of such a thing?”
I would have answered “yes” if I had felt daring, but really, the Authority is actually a demon and she only shows her nature when she’s pissed (then her eyes go all wide and bulgy and she gets that evil scowl that would make anyone run away screaming) and you don’t want to mess with that. Honestly not.
The point is this. I am walking a thin line here… The only thing I can do is comply as much as I can to the demands of the Authority. Does anyone have tips on how to do that without leaving the parental home or losing myself completely?
Love and Chaos, QP