Where my mind goes…

According to some, I have parted ways with my sanity a long time ago already. I wouldn’t know for sure, I mean, how can you tell? I am confused, as I struggle to get a hold of things happening around me.

It all escapes me, and the rush of words in my head isn’t helping. The voices won’t shut up and I’m tired. I’m so tired and I just want them to go but there is no time. Tick-Tack, no rest for the wicked.

Only two weeks it took, two weeks of living the normal life, and I’m back here. Back at the doorstep of my demise. Or is it different, is it my demise, my wretched psychosis that is standing on my porch this time? Ding-Dong, she rings the bell. The door is open, my dear. She is open.

I have to sleep, but I can’t. I know the signs, when I stop sleeping and the world gets that glow of fearful wonder, I know the sound of the doorbell when I hear it. I need to sleep, I’m so tired. But I can’t.

Fear is like the Hypothesis, I think they live in the same part of my brain. I like fear. I hate fear. Fear is weakness. Pain is weakness leaving the body. I only feel at ease when I cause pain and terror. I need to, I need to see someone squirm below me, it will make it go away, I know it will make it go away. Do you think you can scare off a psychosis? I haven’t tried it yet.

I need to cut, I haven’t felt the need this bad since I left the madhouse. Knock-Knock, who’s there? It’s your downfall… I don’t know way to do. I’m so tired and everything is confusing me and I’m scared, fuck hell I’m scared of losing this game. You’ve lost the game. Hah! Ha-ha-ha. I’m so tired. I’m so tired.

About quantumphysica

My name is QuantumPhysica The Insane, but you can call me QP. I am insane, admitted to a mental hospital in Belgium, and waiting for a decent diagnosis at the moment. Once I was a physics student with goals in life and what more; now I'm simply the patient of Room 93. Ever wondered what life is like in the psychiatric ward? I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know... I am... particularly twitchy of personality. But I also am genuinely interested in everything. There is nothing that doesn't interest me, really. Everything, from quantum computers to fashion and cars to traveling... I also give advice. On anything. No taboos whatsoever. And I make lists of things...
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One Response to Where my mind goes…

  1. Hang in there! Hugs!!

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