Lately I have been receiving questions about the person who I share my headspace with, a woman who likes to call herself The Riemann Hypothesis. This post should clarify a bit who she is and what she is like. Therefor: a short summary of my head-mate, and some clarifications.
- Name: The Riemann Hypothesis, Agnes R. at times, Mademoiselle Riemann when being formal (but not for me, I always call her “Riemann”)
- Age: Unknown
- Birthday: 17th of September (she made that up because she liked the date, or so she told me)
- Sex: Female
- Specifics: She has short black hair, her favorite color is black, she rarely ever dreams, she knows how to make Chicken Tandoori (whereas I don’t), she is the most sarcastic person I know, and in general I can say she is the sanest of the two of us. Oh yes, and she has taken a liking to Cillian Murphy after seeing Batman Begins.
- Appeared: During the worst of my psychosis and she hasn’t left since
Riemann, as I call her, is always in my mind. In the back of it, minding her own business, on the foreground, commenting on all my actions as if my life is on America’s Funniest Home Videos (but with more sarcasm), giving me advice, calming me down when I freak out, and occasionally she’s outside as well, taking over my body completely. I never remember when that happens.
Riemann is the sanest of the two of us. For as far as I know she has none of my schizoid/psychopathic tendencies, and it would be too awkward if “the voice I’m hearing” would be hearing voices herself. Like, double psychosis. She is her own person, I think. My personality is “split up” by itself, subject to intense mood-swings, but Riemann must be seen apart from that. She’s like a tenant, renting space out in my head.
Nr 7 has found a pretty interesting way of dealing with her; he has sort of adopted her. It’s slightly awkward to me but Riemann appears to be satisfied with it.
Riemann is really very different from me. She has a much lower voice, as if she smokes a lot, and she doesn’t speak Dutch very well (while that’s my native). Her whole stance and demeanor are different from mine, the way she walks, listens, moves her hands… I know this from what others have told me. Nr 7 said she is so different from me that he can’t even see what attracts him in me back in her.
As I mentioned, Riemann is sarcastic as hell, and she disapproves of most things I do and like. She appears to like hurting me emotionally by confronting me with things from the past, and she herself told me her purpose is to remind me of my weaknesses and hurt me before others have the chance to do so. She calls herself my protector. Despite the fact she often hurts me, she is also the only person I truly trust. When I’m sad or when reality confuses me too much she comforts me, and when things get too hard on me she takes over and puts me to sleep. The times she endured my mother’s preaching for me are numerous. I have no real conscience of my own, but at times I’m sharpening my blades (literally) she acts as one to keep me from doing stupid things.
All in all, Life with Riemann isn’t easy, but it’s worth the trouble. I hope she never disappears again, no matter how complicated sharing a body is. (And then I mean just the practical side of things. Does she watch me when I’m fucking? Why does she keep removing my nail polish? How much did I actually drink last night?)
Love and Chaos, QP