Lately it has come to my ears that you broke your oath of secrecy, or at least that you stretched it beyond it’s natural flexibility. I am not a moralistic person, and it is not my wish to reproach you; I know I am hardly in the position to do so. Yet, there is something I would like to discuss with you, and that could be filed as “moralistic” in a certain sense.
I would like to talk to you about honesty.
Every human being has its limits. I have mine, you have yours, they are individual and personal and not for me or anyone else to judge. Something that leaves me untouched might shock you dearly, and vice versa. It’s simply another one of those many things that make us all unique. That’s why I do not wish to speak about the reason why you broke/stretched your oath. That reason is yours to have and yours to keep.
A fact is, I have always been clear about my limits to you. I told you about the things that shocked me, the things I loved, hated, desired and feared. I gave you a peak into my psyche. Why? Because I trusted you, dear Therapist.
I came into contact with you in a context that I will call “contractual”. After all, I paid you for your services, which included listening to me and analysing the bits and pieces of myself I scattered on your mental plate. A part of this contract was that oath, that pledge of secrecy. Nothing I told you would be heard by thirds. Now I don’t easily trust people, dear therapist. Actually it’s so that my only way of trusting people is in contractual context. Giving, taking, paying, leaving… That sort of thing. I trusted you because I believed there was a solid, legal base by which you were obliged to be trustworthy.
There was one thing I forgot though. You are human, you have your limits. I don’t blame you for… well, for being a snitch, to say it bluntly. Something I said hit your limits and forced you to take what was supposed to stay secret out in the open. That’s human.
The thing I blame you for is your lack of honesty. You knew my limits, yet I did not know yours. I could have avoided the situation if only you had been honest with me about your principles, morals and ideas of life. I am a respectable person; I would not willingly have tried to shock you, knowing your limits. What happened completely comes down to you, and your inability to be completely honest with someone.
I understand that the idea of talk therapy is to have a listening ear. Someone you can consider merely a function, a place to vent, than a person. I believed in that, dear therapist. I believed you could be that function to me. That was, after all, the contract we had, the agreement on which base we had our weekly meetings.
But you failed me, and you failed your function. The contract didn’t specify your human limits, so if you thought I might hit them and bring the both of us in an awkward situation, you should have told me so. In advance, that is. Better safe than sorry, no?
I suppose that went through your head as well, when you decided to spill out what I had told you… didn’t it?
If there’s anything I learned from you, dear Therapist, it’s once again that people fundamentally can’t be trusted. All your efforts to make me believe in humanity have been cancelled out by your actions; if even a legal agreement can’t be trusted anymore, nothing can. So I don’t blame you for your eventual actions… I blame you for your fundamental dishonesty, and how it has aggravated my condition.
Yours no longer faithfully,
Your Psychopath Patient