So here I am again, with my urges. In my other post I asked you for advice; to lie or not to lie about having murderous tendencies. I decided to go with honesty. Truth fears no questions, as they say. I told my therapist everything, and it was relieving, finally having that off my stomach. And she said it were symptoms corresponding to my psychosis, and that a reasonable “modus vivendi” could be worked out. So far so good you’d think, no? It made me feel safe and the past few days were really good for that matter. “A lie takes care of the present, but it has no future…” another one of those sayings. By telling the truth I believed I had given myself perspective on the future.
Oh, how deluded a person can be. After all those years of walking the earth, kept standing only by an almost pathologically strong talent for lying and manipulating, you’d think I am wiser than that. But no. I had to be honest for some reason. Tsss… Tuesday was my therapist’s appointment, today a call for my parents came in. The therapist, wanting to speak to my parents. She practically demanded an appointment with them, BEFORE my next appointment, for “urgent reasons”. She explained herself by saying she was VERY concerned over my condition.
Now, I am intelligent enough to know what that means. It starts with “co” and ends in “location”. That is what you get for trusting a therapist. If anyone has another explanation for my therapist’s behavior, please go ahead, I’d like to hear it. I’ll admit to a certain degree of panic. Panic because all I built up for myself will probably get shattered again and this time I don’t know how grave the damage will be. I suspect I can better start practicing in hiding pills under my tongue…
So to everyone out there, aspiring psychopaths and others, LIE TO YOUR PSYCHIATRIST. It’s probably the best advice I can get you.
Panicky greets, QP
PS: It may give you an idea of my condition that the thought of murdering my therapist before she could talk to my parents actually crossed my mind. Luckily I’m not stupid enough to try that.