QP is Back in Business!

So maybe you noticed, but this blog hasn’t been updated in three weeks. I was gone to France, to the internet-less wasteland of the Provence… Okay, actually it was really beautiful there, but every place with no internet counts as wasteland to me…

Alas, I am back now, and fully operational! My trip to France was interesting, although highly frustrating as well. I stayed in a little cottage in a cherry orchard, a place that means a lot to me. It was very difficult for me to be there, because of all the memories. I had several psychotic panic attacks and dissociative events, but somehow I managed to survive anyway.

Being there made me realize a few things about myself, things that still scare a part of me but less and less each time I think about them. I no longer ask myself if it is normal to have to sort of needs I feel; I know by now it is not. But part of the heap of shards I call “Me” is still wary of the consequences. I am not seeing myself as an upper being, I don’t think I am above the law. I just have a need, and I think that with the correct precautions I should be able to get away with it. Being there, in the last place I have been absolutely happy before my illness kicked in, has made me realize the full strength of this need, and I wonder if I should tell my psychoanalyst.

Anyway, there has been another photoshoot with the Riemann Hypothesis (for a delusion/alter ego/identity disturbance she is pretty photogenic) and soon you will get to see what the Orchard looks like…

Love and chaos, QP