According to my therapist I’m having another psychosis. Or better, I’m just STILL having a psychosis, the same one this whole thing started with just hasn’t moved out. Wish I could put it up for adoption. Psychosis, anyone? Guess not.
I had a major breakdown yesterday. The voices bothered me more than usual, and all the time there was a static in my head, like… a broken TV. You know the sound. That to begin with. Then I had a talk with my parents. Basically I’m not allowed to be mad, hearing voices doesn’t exist, and then as the cherry on top my dad told me to my face my mere existence annoys him so much that each time he enters a room where I am his mood drops to zero at the sight of me. Yay.
I just ran out of the house, in the pouring rain, and I walked, walked, walked. I don’t quite remember where I’ve been, I just had to clear my head from the unbearable noise. I stayed away for an hour, my mother eventually found me on a walking trail in our neighborhood, completely off. She took me home, cleaned me, fed me pills and put me in bed.
I have to hide my problems better. I just don’t now how. It’s… It’s already a huge challenge to get up before noon, let alone being a happy, useful, cooperative, non-schizophrenic daughter. Any hints?
Love and psychosis,