QP’s List of (Non?) Acceptable Synonyms for “To Fuck”

Something I hear quite often is this: I am a course-mouthed woman. And yes… even though the meaning of “coarse”, “rude” and “tactless” is subject of debate to me, I can’t deny my tongue is often faster than my intellect. Especially my impudent sexual vocabulary seems to cause raised eyebrows. When I mean “to fuck”, I SAY “to fuck”, that’s that. In… well, kind of every context.

Since I am on the brink of starting a new life, I am motivated to do something about my presumably nasty habit of saying what it is when it comes to sex. Therefor I have put some of my otherwise useless time into the development of a list of possible alternatives for “to fuck”, in categories. Yes, I have to much time.

TECHNICAL

Engaging in coitus
Fornicating
Penetrating
Copulating
Having intercourse
Mating

RELIGIOUS

Knowing each other
Consummating
Communing
Deflowering (only use if it concerns a virgin)

CORNY

Making love
Sleeping together

VAGUE

Having relations
Doing it
Getting busy
Going all the way
Laying/Getting laid

ONOMATOPOEIC/SOUND-FUL

Makin’ Whoopee
Gettin’ Nookie
Bow-chicka-bow-wow

ILLUSTRATIVE

Making the beast with two backs
Cleaning the pipes
Knockin’ boots
Climing Mount Pork-o-lay-la
Hiding the salami
Laying cable
Administering a hot beef injection
Occupying Vagistan
Log jamming
Beating the pussy up
Shattering the meat tunnel

Bumping uglies

Making babies
Doing the In-Out In-Out

ACTIONS INVOLVING TOOLS

Plugging
Screwing
Drilling
Nailing
Plowing

ACTIONS INVOLVING VIOLENCE

Banging
Hitting
Ramming
Slamming

ACTIONS (GENERAL)

Sticking
Balling
Shafting
Porking
Railing
Pounding

This list is way too short to give a place to all alternatives… (All additions are welcome!) But in my opinion this proves one thing: “To fuck” ain’t the worst of them all! I rather fuck than have my Vagistan surrendered to an alien oppressor… What do you think?

 Love, QP

About quantumphysica

My name is QuantumPhysica The Insane, but you can call me QP. I am insane, admitted to a mental hospital in Belgium, and waiting for a decent diagnosis at the moment. Once I was a physics student with goals in life and what more; now I'm simply the patient of Room 93. Ever wondered what life is like in the psychiatric ward? I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know... I am... particularly twitchy of personality. But I also am genuinely interested in everything. There is nothing that doesn't interest me, really. Everything, from quantum computers to fashion and cars to traveling... I also give advice. On anything. No taboos whatsoever. And I make lists of things...
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14 Responses to QP’s List of (Non?) Acceptable Synonyms for “To Fuck”

  1. Fuck is such a diverse word! It’s one of my favourites! I can’t take “making love” seriously. My partner said it too me once and I just laughed at him. Sex is either sex or fucking.

    • Agree! It’s totally multifunctional, it can express practically everything; like, dislike, surprise, disappointment, excitement, bore,… EVERYTHING!
      Fucking is kind of neutral. It’s short and says what it means, without sounding like a technical manual, and meanwhile it’s not corny or obviously disrespectful. I don’t understand what people have against the word!

      • I work with kids and this one boy told his mother that some of his friends (who are in gr. 3) are saying they want to have sex with girls in their class (having no clue what they’re talking about). Mom asked him “do you know what sex is?” And he replies “Yeah, it’s the f-word.” 😛 True story!

      • *sigh*
        children… They hear a lot and they know little…

  2. oliviamar says:

    “bopping” is big where I come from

  3. neverbenormalagain says:

    Hahahaha love this!!!

  4. bpshielsy says:

    I can’t think of any news ones to add to the list, but I do like Hiding the Salami 🙂

  5. Sherlock says:

    There’s also Hit A Home Run, Dippity Doo Daa, The Lust and Thrust, The Four Legged Foxtrot, Knocking Boots, Hokey-Pokey, Hanky-Panky, Humping, Diddling, Harpooning the Squid, Happy Sheets and my new personal favorite, Rock the Casbah. 😀

  6. Pingback: Banging synonyms | Miamidadekidsd

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