Me@TheMadhouse: worn out and tired

Hi there,

Here I am again with news from the psychiatric ward… I’m tired to death. As in; tired to the verge of wanting to take an overdose just to catch up on some sleep. Today was a rather boring day, and that was fully my own fault. I stayed in bed for most of the time because once again I couldn’t find the courage to actively live through another day… yesterday I was so hyper-manic, so today was kind of a downer, literally. I missed most of the therapy sessions, except for Imagery Therapy (which is drawing, painting, throwing paint to a paper, hitting a piece of clay with your fist, anything that can be called creative, really) and tomorrow won’t be much better (since we have only one therapy session then)…

My mother called. things aren’t going too well on the home front… my dad’s being depressed as well, my brother’s having issues, my sisters are ill, and my mother herself is scared to death they will diagnose me with something “terrible”. She doesn’t know half of my shit, really…

I’m actually kind of curious about the testing… anyone having experience with psychological tests?

love, QP

 

About quantumphysica

My name is QuantumPhysica The Insane, but you can call me QP. I am insane, admitted to a mental hospital in Belgium, and waiting for a decent diagnosis at the moment. Once I was a physics student with goals in life and what more; now I'm simply the patient of Room 93. Ever wondered what life is like in the psychiatric ward? I'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know... I am... particularly twitchy of personality. But I also am genuinely interested in everything. There is nothing that doesn't interest me, really. Everything, from quantum computers to fashion and cars to traveling... I also give advice. On anything. No taboos whatsoever. And I make lists of things...
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14 Responses to Me@TheMadhouse: worn out and tired

  1. Loving your little expose into madhouse life. Care to share anymore about what happens throughout the day and how you are doing?

  2. Maggie Mae I says:

    http://maggiemaeijustsaythis.wordpress.com/recognition/ I love your blog. I nominated you for this award. Congratulations. Keep writing.

  3. Thanks for letting me know a little more!

  4. Servant says:

    These comments above seem so distant & unconcerned ….like your blog is just entertainment to them – maybe not quite – to give the benefit of the doubt to them. …but I dare say you sound fully capable & intelligent… but intelligence isn’t the issue right? Let me leave you with this link for now – let me know what you think. Also, I’m glad some topics aren’t taboo to you since you could tell from my blog what gives my life meaning – and in that sense people may classify us both as diseased – yes, that’s what the new atheists call religious people.

    http://societystacktrace.wordpress.com/2012/02/08/why-all-the-anxiety-46-000-000-prescriptions-of-xanex-drug-in-america-02min/

    Seriously – don’t take the ‘doctors’ too seriously over there – don’t let them upset you. If there is true meaning in life, you can find it – and I’m convinced true meaning & purpose exists – and it’s more than a hunch if I can put it that way. I’ve been studying apologetics for about seven years now. I can put forth a compelling case – for those that are willing to think about it.

    • I believe the cause of my disease (among other things) is my lack of faith and purpose…
      But then, you can’t force yourself to believe in something, can you? I have the utmost respect for religious people, even though I call myself an atheist. If you manage to have such faith in something, it rewards you with a certain frame of reference, in which indeed exists something like a purpose and true meaning. As you pointed out in your blog, these days people try to replace this with psycho-farmaceutics; fact is, they still need it, whether they want it or not.
      I am an ethical relativist: I can understand religion, I can understand and admire religious people, just like I admire people who have a very definite sense of good and evil… But I don’t feel anything like that.
      I can only define a frame of reference and determine fitting norms and values for that. To me, all is relative.
      And yes, that is hard to deal with.

      I wonder though… how would you try to convince me? Because honestly, the idea of truly believing in something sounds very appealing to me…

      • Servant says:

        As they say someone convinced against his/her will is of the same opinion still. Yes, you obviously can’t force yourself to believe something – that would be like forcing yourself to believe what you know is a lie.

        In terms of how I would convince you … that depends on what you’ve been exposed to, but there are some standard apologetic arguments. Typically the Christian position is seen as ignorant & disconnected with ‘modern thought’. What we can call anti-intellectualism in many Christians today was not always the case – and that intellectual laziness isn’t a problem everywhere today either.

        Maybe this debate would be good to start with …

        http://fixed-point.org/index.php/video/35-full-length/164-the-dawkins-lennox-debate

  5. Servant says:

    …didn’t mention, but listen to the audio at my blog – it’s actually an audio blog, with some words & pics added to make it a bit more interesting.

    I wish you hope, beauty & joy (each in the most perfect sense) … just wait for some of that a bit – if it doesn’t arrive immediately. 😉

    Blessings

    • I noticed. I must say you have the perfect voice for these kind of things, you sound like you’re used to giving lectures and speeches…

      And thank you. I really appreciate that. 🙂

      • Servant says:

        …well that’s not me talking – don’t know if I should say unfortunately 🙂 …I take snippets out of a variety of podcasts I listen to – things I find worth sharing. You’d notice the links to the full audio in 90% of cases – except if the source isn’t available online for some reason.

      • oooh, I see *stupid me*
        Anyway, I find it agreeable to listen to…

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